Hü Poupe’d

By Anonymous / Originally published in Unleash Jacksonville, DUTY issue

*Not the actual culprit in THIS story

We’ve recently started using this adorable little french phrase in our home—Hü Poupe´d. I don’t expect you to be able to pronounce it—it’s rathar fancy-pants—but, roughly, it translates to “who pooped” in English. I personally like to say it three times in a row, while looking at my suspects directly into their eyeballs. Surprisingly enough, in our house, the one who doesn’t look away is most often the one hü poupe´d (he’s a brazen boydog and uses the “But I’m Paralyzed” card every. single. time.)

We don’t really need to ask this question. It’s always that same guy. We ask it, hoping for some sign of remorse, as he will stare back at me—through me really—as if to say, Yah I did it and it was awesome. And guess what? In about three hours … gonna do it again. {shrug} Let me know if you wanna watch.

So … I mean … I’m not sure if you’ve ever allowed anyone to go number two in your home consistently and repeatedly, but if not, I’ll give you an insider’s perspective—it makes you feel downright disgusting. It makes you want to wash your feet sixteen times a day, that’s for sure, and it makes you not want to have anyone over for a decent lasagna dinner.

During a recent storm, I was looking for one of our pups who tends to be frightened, and I took a little look-see under my bed. That’s when life changed forever. I did find him there, curled up in his safe zone …. but I also found something else—well, let’s see … imagine the biggest turd you can think of. Go ahead and multiply it by two and add six. It was massive, it was impressive. Huh. I wonder how long that’s been there, I whispered out loud to no one. And then, crouched there, gazing under my bed at the silhouette of a massive turd … I wondered how I got here. Not knowing how long a turd has been under my bed?! That’s ludacris. I’ve always known how long turds have been under my bed. When did this happen to me and is this how it’s just going to be from now on? How did I not smell it and am I still a good person? (It feels really good to talk about all this—my stinky little secret. Go ahead—tell all your perfect friends that Anonymous is absolutely hideous.)

Since starting to care for this dog who can’t help but accept—nay, be proud of—what he can’t control, I’m begrudgingly learning the same. Ugh, life lessons are so dumb sometimes. I don’t like it. But I do like him. As part of our System of Containment, there is a garbage bag-sized bag of dog poop on my front porch. You do what you gotta do. What of it? Keeps the peeping Toms from staying to long.

I’ve come to realize the answer to my questions, following the discovery of MegaTurd (except how did I not smell it). This has happened to me because, as much as I may want to just take off in a jet plane some days, I’m not a deserter (However, I am a desserter, by the by. Anything warm and chocolate-y.) I love my dogs through thick and thin; barf piles and endless mounds of poo-nami; even old age, I know that’s a crazy notion for some. So, accepting what I cannot immediately change, I better invest in a good steamer and, yah. I do think I’ll check under the bed more often. •

Ales for Tales Recap!


We had so much fun at Ales for Tales! Thank you to Veterans United Craft Brewery for hosting this event to benefit Friends of Jacksonville Animals!

Congratulations to Tim Olcott,  Jessica Forster, and Michael Morgan!
They each won a $25 gift certificate to Veterans United in our new newsletter subscriber drawing!

If you’d like to get yourself a discounted gift certificate for the dog-friendly Veterans Craft Brewery … we still have a few left! Grab one here.

Unleash Jacksonville adds a Master of Fun Correspondent

Hey everyone! We’d like to introduce you to the faaaaabulous Hank!

As the Unleash Jacksonville Master of Fun Correspondent, Hank will cover ways you can get into trouble in Jacksonville.

Meet Hank. Dog of many trades. Master of FUN!

When Hank was first rescued by The London Sanctuary, he was a bit of a sad sight. After being dumped in a rural area to fend for himself, he was found emaciated, tick infested, dehydrated, and flat-out exhausted! But it was hard for the folks at TLS to feel sorry for him for very long … as soon it would become plainly evident that Hank did not see himself as a victim at all!

With his free spirited nature, Hank quickly became the life of the hounds at TLS! His charm was a hit with the ladies, and his zest for adventure and funny antics became a welcomed amusement. He just couldn’t get enough of life and was into EVERYTHING … including the dryer!! (What, he was only helping with the laundry)

These days, in his forever home, Hank’s intensity for life and adventure have not changed, but he’s doing more than just laundry! Now, a Bon vivant, he has a passion for canine nutrition, considers himself a food snob and is a huge proponent of raw feeding! Although a serious, raw foodie, he does enjoy the occasional indulgences. His favorites include Chic-Fil-A, pizza and Dog Sundaes from Whit’s! On the healthier side, he loves when his mom makes him smoothies! (Kale and blueberry are his favs). He is a ball aficionado (and by aficionado, we mean unhealthy obsession) and even has his own customized ball with his name engraved on it!

When visiting grandma’s, he takes on the role of sous chef and taste tester. He’s even good at pre-cleaning all the dishes before getting them into the dishwasher. As an advocate for animal rescue, he promotes adoptable pets, highlights awesome rescue groups and even drives other hounds to adoption events!

When not busy working, you are likely to catch him at JCAW hiking the trails, swimming and even treeing squirrels and raccoons. A social butterfly, he also attends affairs where food, dogs and the people who love them are in abundance!

Interesting fact: Hank speaks with Constance, the Pet Messenger (a pet communicator), to voice his food preferences.

You can follow Hank on Instagram – hangin_wit_hank